I Am a Soldier’s Mom | Learning to Let Go
I Am a Soldier’s Mom | Learning to Let Go
Finding Hope in the Trenches
Please scroll all the way to bottom of post for helpful resources for service members and their loved ones.
“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them. He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.” Psalm 127:3-5
“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” 2 Timothy 1:7
We’ve been talking lately about navigating seasons when Hope is Hard. I’ve shared a lot about my challenges of the past six months: struggles, growth, lessons learned, tears cried.
A large part of my challenge has been our new Empty Nest, and specifically the fact that the nest emptied into the “loving” arms of Uncle Sam. The truth is that other people’s choices affect me. It’s not my place to make the decision, but my children’s choices impact me. I must learn to let go for everyone’s emotional well-being, but it’s not a lesson easily learned.
Legacy of Service
I feel that I should be one of the most emotionally prepared women on the planet to become a soldier’s mom. Here is my list of qualifications: I am the granddaughter, daughter, daughter-in-law, and wife of Air Force veterans. I spent years following my husband from base to base, and then more years ministering to military families. Two sons served in the Air Force, as well as a daughter-in-law and a son-in-law. I’m an Army Airborne sister-in-law, and an Army Reserve aunt…and I also have cousins and friends galore who have served or are still serving.
My Grandpa Turner served in WWII, but never ever spoke of it. The rest of my Air Force family all served in more behind-the-scenes ways. Supply. Medical. F-16 maintenance. With the exception of a son who was Security Forces, no one carried a weapon to work. My husband regularly reminded me that Air Force bases tend to be tucked away from enemy lines.
So…a legacy of service.
Family gathers to welcome home our second-oldest son from his Air Force deployment to Kuwait in 2012.
We’ve weathered family deployments to the Mid-East–one to Afghanistan. It was very rough, but I still clung to the belief that our son was relatively safe. (It turns out that he was actually stationed at a Forward Operating Army Base, but I didn’t know that until recently! I didn’t know I should have been much more terrified than I was.)
At any rate, nothing prepared me for the fact that my son will wield a light machine gun in hostile places.
Is there any way to be prepared for this?
No one can ever convince me that it’s safe to be an Infantryman. My husband doesn’t even attempt it.
Suddenly, I am a Soldier’s Mom.
There is no easing in. Enlisting in the military is nothing at all like going to college. One night you’re all having dinner together and chatting. The next, your child is removed from your life with a surgeon’s precision. He surrenders his phone, his personal belongings, his hair, his autonomy, and his right to contact his family. For three weeks I had no address for my son, no way to contact him in an emergency. We waited for calls, which were few and far between, and some of those were scripted.
We knew that he–and his fellow trainees–were being yelled at. Sworn at. Hungry…always hungry. Discouraged from seeking medical treatment when needed. At times, sleep deprivation and meager rations were part of the training. They trained when ill. Exhausted. With fevers.
How is my son? No clue.
I am a soldier’s mom.
As we watch our son from afar, read his letters, occasionally chat with him, visit him on Family Weekend…I realize. He is strong and determined, and he can do hard things.
The problem is that I’m not sure I can.
He enlisted, but I was conscripted.
Here, at this crossroads, I realize that since he has chosen this, I must choose it, too.
Because I am a Soldier’s Mom.
All his life, I’ve nurtured, protected, loved, taught, and guided him.
And I realize now, with a flash, that he has grown beyond me.
I once protected him, but he doesn’t need that any more.
So I pray and support and love. Now that he is at his First Duty Station, I send Care Packages in addition to writing letters. I turn off the news when it’s too hard to hear. And when the fear drives itself deep into my heart, I remind myself that I have a call to be brave and confident.
My son enlisted because, “I can’t expect others to do the hard things for me.”
And neither can I.
Yes, I’m proud.
I am a Soldier’s Mom.
Ahhh, my mom friends. The hard reality of life is that our children choose. They may decide on careers that are not safe. Or may be financially insecure. They may choose paths that take them far away. And our job is to find strength in the One who gave us these children. We get to love and support. Cheer and be proud. Watch them grow and soar. Wave goodbye. And stand strong in the belief that God is good and He is enough.
For my Military Mom friends, I have some recommendations for support and information. First, a wonderful book!
Post contains affiliate links. Your purchase supports my work at no extra cost to you. Read full disclosure.
Be Safe, Love Mom by Elaine Lowry Brye
I devoured this book the day it arrived! Full of encouragement and information for military parents. The author is mom to four adults serving in four different military branches. She is compassionate, funny, and knowledgable about Basic Training, TDY, Deployments, and military life in general. This is a perfect gift for every military parent you know.
The Heart of a Military Mom by Elaine Brye and Army Mom Strong
While My Soldier Serves by Edie Melson
Rise Up Military Moms Interactive Journal by Army Mom Strong & Elaine Brye
Important Military Resources
Faith No Filter Blog–also follow her on Facebook!
Military One Source–Military Mental Health & Suicide Prevention
United Services Organization (USO)
Blue Star Moms
Related Posts
When Hope is Hard
How to Cultivate Hope in Difficult Seasons
7 Encouraging Christian Books
7 Lessons Learned in My Difficult Season
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I would love to pray for you. Please send prayer requests to kimturnermcculley@gmail.com.
I frequently link up with these lovely bloggers.
That’s a great family photo. And I can understand how difficult it would be to see them enlist. I blog with a couple of ladies from the military, Liz or Elizabeth Giertz, on FB and Christine Malkemes, https://www.christinemalkemes.com/, if you would like to connect with them. I remember at the start of the Gulf war everyone prayed Psalm 91, always a good idea. Angels watching.
Thank you for your encouragement! I will check out your link.
Hi Kim,
Wow. While I have family members who severed in the military, a dad and stepdad, it was all when I was little or before I was even born. Then a few stepbrothers were in active service. But not the military family your life revolves around. Yet, in reading, I felt a sense of your mama’s heart and know it would be easy to be fearful, to let go, and to be at peace with it all for your son. Praying for him and for you. Visiting from #LMMLinkup.
Thank you for your encouraging words and prayers!
Wow. I honor you for your commitment to do this hard thing well.
And may God bless and keep you and your boy.
Thank you. 💕
Though I’ve not really experienced it personally, I have always had so much respect for military families. I do now have nephews that served. But not husband, father, or son. We have been privileged to serve as pastor just outside the Hunter Army Airfield in Savannah. Families whose husbands and Daddy’s flew Black Hawk helicopters and were usually the first to be deployed. It’s hard to watch them leave and to watch their family watch them leave. We did our best to be the support they needed.
I don’t think you can ever really be prepared for that. My hat is off to you and yours.
Thanks for linking up at the LEgacy Linkup.
Thank you! Oh, I so miss living near a military base and ministering to military families. 💕
Kim, again thank you for linking up with the Legacy Linkup.
Your post received the most hits this month. So I will feature you again next week on the new link-up for July. With your permission, I will use your title photo from this post.
It’s appropriate to be featuring a soldier mom post right here at July 4th!
Thank you, Mandy! I am honored.
Kim, thank you so much for posting this. This is so good, and I love the Christian perspective! You have a beautiful family. Tweeted, pinned and shared. Thank you for linking up at InstaEncouragements.
Thank you for your encouraging words and for sharing! 💕
May God bless all the soldier moms! What a hard, hard position to be in. But I’m grateful to those mamas who raise their sons and daughters to selflessly put themselves out there to serve us all. Thank you.
Thank you for your encouragement!
Thank you for your service, in so many capacities, daughter, wife and mom! They can’t do what they do without support of family! I worked on an Air Force Base for years, the people called to serve are truly amazing. It takes a special grit and determination. I can’t imagine it could be easy. Prayers for you and your son. God Bless!
Thank you so much! I truly appreciate prayer.
May God give military family extra peace and strength. I can not comprehend that difficult situation.
Thank you, Felicia. I appreciate the support.
Your post brought back so many of the emotions I felt when my now son-in-law (he was my daughter’s boyfriend at the time) enlisted into the Marines. He deployed twice during this four years, once on a MEU to the Kuwait region and another 7 months in Afghanistan.
I realized then that this was too big for me to carry. I had no choice to let go and depend on the Lord. I had written a prayer for my son-in-law that was comprised of all Scripture and laminated it. He carried it in his pocket always and I had the same copy here. I wanted him to remember whenever he felt that piece of paper that I was praying. And the Lord answered in miraculous ways. My son-in-law was should have died not once but three times while in Afghanistan.
Thank you so much for sharing your heart so transparently. Please thank your son for his service to our country and thank you for letting go of him.
Blessings,
Thank you for sharing. I love the idea of the laminated Scripture prayer!!
Tell your son Thank you for his service. My husband is a Viet Nam Veteran.
And thank you to your husband for his service!
What a Legacy of Service and Honor! Thank you… thank your son, and other family members in the military too. But I want to thank you… even though, as you pointed out -it was not your choice but his/theirs. Still, you poured into your kids and raised them up and passed on a love of country, honor, protection, service, etc. Thank you for your sacrifice, too. Praying for all of our military branches and so thankful for how they love, serve, and protect.
Thank you for your encouraging words!
Kim, first of all, what a beautiful family! As a mom, I felt your heart through all of this. I’m not a soldier’s mom, but I watched my nephew live out his duty as the lead Marine’s sharpshooter in Afganistan, and it was difficult for the entire family. But you are right, they are strong and brave enough to do harder things than we can imagine. Praying God strengthens you and builds you up in this calling!
Thank you! Thank your nephew for his service and I appreciate the prayers!
I can only imagine your mixed feelings. Thank you for sharing. I will be keeping your son and his momma in my prayers. I am so thankful for people like you. Thank you for sharing with Grace & Truth. You are right; we can’t choose for our kids, but we must choose to accept and embrace their choices.
Thank you Maree! I know you do understand about supporting our children through their struggles.
Thank you for the feature! What an honor.
I am facing the fact my 23rd old son wants to and is in the process of joining army. He wants to become army ranger. When he first told me I cried. It’s hard to know he will be far away, that I won’t see him or hear from him. I worried he will get hurt. That I won’t ever see him again. . It’s so hard to let go. For moment I’m ok, Jimmy doesn’t leave till after his wedding in November , then I’ll be hot mess. At some point his soon to be wife will move down to where ever he will be station. Depending where he stays out his service . I told my husband we will move to where he is. One day they will have kids. I don’t want to miss out. So for now I catch myself with watery eyes . I remind myself he hasn’t left yet . I don’t know how moms do this..
My heart goes out to you! It is hard, but it will get easier, I promise. The tricky thing about moving to where they are is that soldiers are generally relocated every three years.It’s a lot of moving if they decide to make it a career. You and your son are in my prayers.