Empty Nest Mom | Making Peace with Letting Go
Empty Nest Mom | Making Peace with Letting Go
I am an Empty Nest Mom.
Our youngest son loves raspberries. For several years, each time I went grocery shopping I searched for luscious-looking raspberries, so I could purchase them to bring home as a surprise. He was always excited, and usually proceeded to demolish the entire container in one sitting.
Days after he enlisted in the Army I went to the warehouse store and spied a particularly delectable display of raspberries. With a smile, I reached for them and imagined his delight…before it hit me that he wasn’t home to eat them.
I burst into tears in the middle of Sams.
Throughout my parenting years, I devoured every parenting book, every piece of advice.
I was mentally prepared for tantruming toddlers, emotional tweens, angsty teens.
No one ever warned me I’d be crying over raspberries.
I knew it would be difficult to let go, but nothing prepared me for the reality of being an Empty Nest Mom.
Empty Nest Mom Reality
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1
Eighteen months ago our youngest child followed his dream and enlisted in the Army. I created a draft of this post and made the graphics, but just…couldn’t write the words. The logical part of me felt I needed tips to help you through this transition, more clarity, a victorious ending.
I don’t really have any of those things, but I’m ready to share. Perhaps you looked forward to the Empty Nest and celebrated when the final child left. If so, that’s great! I’m thrilled for you. Or maybe, like me, you have found this new season to be a struggle. Either way, I’m praying we can encourage one another through a new life stage.
Related Reading: I Am a Soldier’s Mom
Related Reading: When Hope is Hard
You’re Going to Miss This Someday
Do you remember when you were an exhausted new mom…or a frazzled mom of toddlers…or a stretched-thin mom of teens? People–even total strangers–would stop you in your tracks by saying, “You’re gonna miss this someday”.
I never doubted it, not once.
Even during sleepy midnight feedings.
Toddler melt-downs.
Busy homeschool days.
Confused parent-of-teens moments.
Shameful times when I snapped or said ugly words.
Even when I felt guilty, helpless, inadequate, exhausted, or confused, I knew without a doubt, “Someday I’ll miss even these moments”.
I just didn’t know how much.
I Miss Those Kids
One of our five children lives nearby, and all the rest are far away. I miss them all every single day. And here’s something funny: even when I do get to visit them, I still miss the children they once were.
Even as I appreciate how funny, intelligent, and wise they have become, I still miss those sweet little moments.
Bedtime snuggles.
Reading aloud.
Their creativity and messes.
Excitement and wonder over mundane things.
Funny words: “Cinderellellella”. “Heli-tractors” (helicopters). “Moths” (mops). “Vanchtables” (vegetables).
“You’re the best mommy in the whole world.”
Baby giggles.
Sweet little voices.
I miss that I could kiss away their hurts and solve their problems. Now their problems can’t be fixed so easily, and they solve them on their own.
As it should be.
But I miss being needed.
(I’m a number 2 on the Enneagram, for those of you who are into that. A number two, and it shows.)
Related Reading: How to Cultivate Hope in Difficult Seasons
Related Reading: 7 Lessons Learned in My Difficult Season
Positive Thinking to the Rescue?
Now, I can hear some of you thinking I should be counting my blessings. I hear you. Maybe you are a woman who longs to be an Empty Nest Mom. Perhaps you are a woman who…
- Wants a child and has none
- Wishes for more children
- Has a child who will always live at home for one of many reasons
- Is estranged from her child
- Wishes your adult child would become financially independent
I do count my blessings every day, truly.
But that doesn’t make me miss my kids any less.
Related Post: 7 Encouraging Christian Books
Related Post: Courage, Dear Heart
Empty Nest Mom Learning to Let Go
So here’s where I’ve arrived. This has been an extremely challenging transition for me, and I’ve struggled with a lot of guilt and shame over that.
I’ve let go of the guilt and shame.
Becoming a mostly long-distance Empty Nest Mom has been tough for me. That’s okay.
And maybe it hasn’t been so tough for you. That’s also okay.
The fact that this is tough is no reflection on my character, emotional strength, ability, or faith.
Transitions are challenging, and life contains many seasons–some of them tumultuous. I’m trusting God to give me strength to do this hard thing, and I believe He will…just as He has shown up in the past. I certainly don’t have it all together, but this just points me to the One who holds it all in His hands. And if you’re struggling with the Empty Nest–or any other life situation–please feel no guilt. Instead, allow your struggles to point you to the strength of Christ, and never be afraid to ask friends and family for support.
Recommended Books
Post contains affiliate links. Thank you for supporting my work at no extra cost to you by purchasing through any of my links. Click images or titles to view resources.
Own Your Life by Sally Clarkson
Empty Nest, Full Life by Jill Savage
Mom Heart Moments by Sally Clarkson
Please contact me through the comments, my social media accounts, or via my email at kimturnermcculley@gmail.com. How can I encourage and serve you? I’d love to hear from you.
You are invited to follow my social media! Click to follow on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Twitter.
Please follow this link to join the community and receive my posts in your inbox!
I would love to pray for you. Please send prayer requests to kimturnermcculley@gmail.com.
I frequently link up with these lovely bloggers.
Oh this so spoke to my heart…and so expressed my heart! Thanks for being willing to share. To let me know that I’m not the only one. I tend to “run into” all the ladies who are having the time of their life as an empty nester (or that is what they say) and so often I wonder why I struggle so much! There is much that I miss, too. The being needed (oh that one!), the sweetness of that season when they were little, knowing my purpose and identity and the list continues. So glad it is not just me!!:) Thanks, again, for sharing. Have a blessed week!! (oh, and I miss taking home that little treat that made someone’s day!)
Ohhh, yes! Yes, yes, yes. Thank you for taking the time to comment; you really made my day. It’s so vulnerable to admit: Hey! I’m having a hard time over here.
Thank you so much for sharing your heart, Kim. You hit the nail on the head! We’ve been empty nesters for a few years now, but it’s still hard. When I find myself really struggling, I begin thanking God for the years He gave us with them in the home, and then I choose to focus my mind and heart on what He is accomplishing in each of their lives as well as Jim and myself as a couple. Every season of life is hard because it means changing from one to the other- and change is HARD!! But, it’s also SO GOOD too, as we allow God to change US and grow us to be more like Him. I’m so very thankful for friends like you who help me along the way and pray for me!
Oh, thank you, Beth! Your prayers mean so much to me, and I treasure your friendship, wisdom, and encouragement. Love you!
Dear Kim,
I can’t thank you enough for your words of wisdom; to not feel guilty about our adult kids leaving the nest. You words truly resonated with me. I do sometimes feel deep emotional pangs of guilt and pain when I focus on the reality that our kids and their families are so far away. I’m especially vulnerable when friends make comments about my kids being so far away. Yikes, can this ever send me down into the emotional pit of guilt and sadness. It is only through my faith, hope and belief in Christ’s presence in my life and the on-line community of support (like yours) that helps me to climb my way out of this emotional pit.
Thank you dear friend.
Thank you for reading and commenting, Bette. We just never know what “little thing” will hit hard, do we? Raspberries, empty bedrooms, old photos that pop up on Facebook…I agree that community is so important; it’s helpful to have friends point us back to Christ’s presence.
Than you for your words
2 of my kids live near by and 1 is in Spain with no plans of ever living here again
She does visit and we have visited there but when she leaves my heart is so heavy
I feel guilty for feeling so bad because so may others suffer much deeper experiences
she was just here with her husband for 3 weeks (it was oh so good) and have now gone back and I feel empty, so does my husband
I know I will get through it but is sure is a very sad thing
I will keep you in my prayers and remember all the happiness my kids have given me!
Ohhh, Theresa! My heart goes out to you. I so understand how difficult it is when our parenting and grand parenting expectations and dreams are so different from reality. I pray for you and all parents and grandparents who are geographically far from loved ones. Hugs!